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Music is the voice of the soul, and these voices are beautiful. The world always needs more music.

+1 easily.

-THB


-T.H.B.

by TopHatBionicleTopHatBionicle, 20 Jun 2024 17:48

A fair critique, and I'm sure it happens because the same feelings keep resurfacing. Maybe at some point I'll restructure some of the similar poems into one. For now, it serves as a place to get these out instead of keeping them bottled up.

Thank you very much, Just having these hear for people to read has helped me so very much.

-THB


-T.H.B.

by TopHatBionicleTopHatBionicle, 20 Jun 2024 17:32

Deletions - 6/19/24

Re: Deletions by Snapdragon133Snapdragon133, 19 Jun 2024 22:48

So I'm a dumbass and read this when it was posted, and then immediately forgot about it. You are correct, she does qualify for a character tag! I have implemented the tag on all provided pages, sorry for the wait

Re: Lady Fuchs by Snapdragon133Snapdragon133, 19 Jun 2024 20:25

Beautiful, as beautiful as leaving the world and dying among the coral and the teeming ocean life. Bravo, Zip.

Blue-ringed +1.

by SpoddetmanSpoddetman, 19 Jun 2024 19:52

Sometimes, I'll stare at a random object, like a pebble, and think to myself: "Has anyone else ever looked at this specific thing past a quick glance? Am I the only one in the world who has cared to give it a spare thought?"

This reminds me of that feeling.

+1 by NightGoddessNyxNightGoddessNyx, 19 Jun 2024 19:00

This is very sweet! I like this little bit of worldbuilding for the Library. You have some issues with descriptions of characters or actions being unclear who they apply to, in the first paragraph where the two men arrive and when Hazif and the Blind are speaking, where a hand is waved in front of one of their faces, and I think that title is a little wordy compared to the length of the piece, but other than that this was well done! +1!

by Snapdragon133Snapdragon133, 19 Jun 2024 03:16

Hahahaha this is fucking fantastic. I had a feeling it would be when I saw you went for this css and put in the extra legwork for listpages, and I was not disappointed. The absolute power contained in that YES. was incredible, super chill inducing for me. One of my favorite mythological pieces on the site now, by far

by Snapdragon133Snapdragon133, 19 Jun 2024 00:49

So obviously when it comes to such intensely personal pieces like this, it's hard to comment on them, but I'll do my best to do so fairly. There are some great pieces here, I think my favorites would be "Beautiful Girl" and "Doubt." It does feel repetitive at times, which I think you could play into if you wanted, something like the omnipresence of grief, retreading how you've felt before, etc, but a lot of these poems feel very similar to each other which makes it hard to read as a collection. Very sorry for your loss, thanks for sharing some powerful emotions with us, Bonkle

by Snapdragon133Snapdragon133, 18 Jun 2024 22:32

definitely agree with snap's crit here that the ending didn't quite earn its keep. there are also some style things that could use touching up, beyond spag. regardless, the characterization and description are very strong, and you have a very clear folktale-style voice that shines through, with a surprising amount of emotional impact in a very short time frame. bravo! welcome to the site. happy to have you here.

by zipzipskinszipzipskins, 18 Jun 2024 19:18

Thank you! This piece was fueled by caffeine and watching a series about homoromantic cannibals and I simply had to express it with my knowledge of cooking.

Re: +1 by MaddGasserGatonMaddGasserGaton, 18 Jun 2024 01:53

I can tolerate cannibalism, but I draw the line at them speaking French! Disgusting!

-THB


-T.H.B.

+1 by TopHatBionicleTopHatBionicle, 17 Jun 2024 23:06

This is a collection of poems about the loss of my daughter. We lost her over a year ago, but the pain has never gone away. I began writing these poems as a way to make sense of it all. As I write more poems, they will be added in due time. I was uncertain about posting these, but I want to talk about her. Loss is something that needs to be talked about, and if I can do a little to break down the stigmas around discussion of these topics, then it's worth any pushback.

-THB

Thank you to Zip, Avalon, and especially Lemonsense for giving me the courage and support I needed.


-T.H.B.

Author Post by TopHatBionicleTopHatBionicle, 17 Jun 2024 23:05

What do I really have to say here? A perfectly unsettling tale that doesn't try to force its horror onto you.

My favorite part of the story is its use of anticipation, especially in the latter half where the vegetables are being cooked. The reader can see the ending coming, perhaps even wanting it to come, and yet the author holds it back and keeps us in suspense.

Good stuff!

+1 by NightGoddessNyxNightGoddessNyx, 17 Jun 2024 19:03

thank you to ZIppo and Stygian and Rosie for their crit.

Unfortunately this was passed over by publishers, meaning I have decided to post it to the library.

Watch the TV show Hannibal. That is all.

by MaddGasserGatonMaddGasserGaton, 17 Jun 2024 14:36

really neat piece. poetry is near and dear to my heart, so i love to see more of it on site. very cool to see it in such an interesting framing. i especially enjoyed the way the meter shifts on the last line, signifying acceptance and the end. good stuff. +1

by zipzipskinszipzipskins, 17 Jun 2024 05:27

Thank you so much! I agree on the rushed ending . I would've put more but i was getting pissed at it so I just called it

by Lightf00tLightf00t, 17 Jun 2024 02:46

Very cool poem! Makes me eager and curious to dive deep I to this universe!

+1

-THB


-T.H.B.

by TopHatBionicleTopHatBionicle, 17 Jun 2024 00:40

Your pain is real, your pain is valid, and it shines through in this poem. It’s raw and powerful, and it speaks deeply to my soul. Making art like this out of tragedy is a beautiful thing, sad yet greatly inspiring. I can tell you’re going to write incredible things, and your father will be with you every step of the way.

+1, no question.

-THB


-T.H.B.

Re: post by TopHatBionicleTopHatBionicle, 17 Jun 2024 00:36

I liked the near-repetition of this poem a lot! And in universe poems are always so cool

by Snapdragon133Snapdragon133, 17 Jun 2024 00:15
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