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Nice! My last bit of advice is to ping other reviewers in the discord if you want a second opinion and then go for it!

Re: Crit Request: three by cafecowcafecow, 08 Feb 2023 02:46

If I am remembering correctly, this was the first taste of the library I ever had, it gave me a good laugh and an interest in the site. Easy +1

by Flinty_meFlinty_me, 07 Feb 2023 20:59

I think I'll stay with the three-stanza version. I'm fairly sure I'm about ready for publishing.

Re: Crit Request: three by guncatguncat, 07 Feb 2023 18:28

It's a strong finishing stanza, I would just change it to destinies, plural, so that it matches with the rest of the plurals. But also a case can be made for a short piece. You're sitting at three stanzas in a poem about the importance of three; I like that it's brief but that is just preference.

Re: Crit Request: three by cafecowcafecow, 07 Feb 2023 17:24

I wanted to mention, for the record, that this is NOT based on SCP-106. It was originally my version of an apology letter to my mom after I was a brat. I just hope y'all enjoy it. This is the best thing I could come up with after my previous, "hellgate manor" debacle. Without further ado, enjoy.

EDIT If y'all think of anything I should delete, let me know. I know parts are tacky.


Star Wars, Scratch, Mr. Beast, JunkNStuff JunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuffJunkNStuff

NOT 106 by BobajoBobajo, 07 Feb 2023 17:07

Found the correct forum. Hopefully I wont be a dumbass again.

Very much apologies!

Smitt Gartson

The sequel to a previous work is up! Super proud of it! Beeg thanks to SilverScribbles and my in person friend (Collin. He's next to me rn so say hi) for critique. Hope your days get less busy, S.S!

Here's the first work (for knowledge): https://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/not-all-walls-or-blocks-are-insurmountable

Here's the sequel: https://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/not-all-dates-or-encounters-are-perfect

A prequel should be in the works relatively soon. Hopefully this'll become my own little cannon!

Thanks very much!

Smitt Gartson.

Re: New Articles 5 by Smitt GartsonSmitt Gartson, 07 Feb 2023 17:00

I posted a new article in announcements like I did last time. It was the first one I saw for announcements, but I got a reply that said this is the wrong forum. Completely forgot, and I can't find the other forum they were talking about. I'm so sorry!

The sequel to a previous work is up! Super proud of it! Beeg thanks to SilverScribbles and my in person friend (Collin. He's next to me rn so say hi) for critique. Hope your days get less busy, S.S!

Here's the first work (for knowledge): https://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/not-all-walls-or-blocks-are-insurmountable

Here's the sequel: https://wanderers-library.wikidot.com/not-all-dates-or-encounters-are-perfect

A prequel should be in the works relatively soon. Hopefully this'll become my own little cannon!

Thanks very much!

Smitt Gartson.

I feel like the poem could be a little too short. Here's my experimental fourth stanza:

the three shape our lives and our futures
our destiny
if only we could be free

Re: Crit Request: three by guncatguncat, 07 Feb 2023 16:35

Glad I could help! Also I agree, that sequence flows much better than the original.

Re: Crit Request: three by cafecowcafecow, 07 Feb 2023 16:09

Thanks for the help! I tinkered around with what you suggested and got the first stanza like this:

there are three of them in the corner:
my fears
my hopes
and my dreams

I think this makes the flow of the poem smoother

Re: Crit Request: three by guncatguncat, 07 Feb 2023 15:23

Hey there friend! Despite the length of this piece I think you did a good job at conveying solid emotion. I get the feeling that the speaker is looking back at their life and doesn't like what they see; nostalgia twinged with regret and maybe even a little cynicism. So good job on that!

For technical crit, I think you could restructure the first stanza by either splitting it into an introductory line and then having the hopes/dreams/fears all be on their own lines, or by potentially rewording the first line. Other than that I do think you have a solid start here, and I look forward to seeing where you take this one!

Re: Crit Request: three by cafecowcafecow, 07 Feb 2023 15:16

Late nights lead to early mornings, so I'm back with more weird prose about a mysterious god and her body-horror children. I received really good crit on the first piece along with encouragement to expand on the premise a little more so this one recontextualizes the first story by switching the perspective to that of a newborn flesh creature. I'm still playing with this concept, so this is second one is just me testing the waters to see how far I can stretch it.

The first article isn't necessary to understand this one, but if you want the full context go ahead and read the first tab. If you're only interested in this new story, read the second tab titled "Wormwood"! A CW for body horror and themes of eldritch horror applies to both works and is listed at the top of both tabs.

Any crit is welcome including concept, word choice, grammer, and opinions on the switching perspective!

http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/cafecow-s-sandbox

I liked it. The idea of a world without words being limited by the creation of words is fascinating.

Very interesting, +1

by Coffee BreakCoffee Break, 07 Feb 2023 14:40

This is a short poem I wrote where the author is reflecting about their life. Plan to share this in The Dreamer's Library theme.

http://wanderers-sandbox-2.wikidot.com/guncat

Crit Request: three by guncatguncat, 07 Feb 2023 14:33

Glad to help! If you need any more help feel free to ask.

Re: Crit Request: Draco by cafecowcafecow, 07 Feb 2023 14:07

The jungle never ends. The jungle never dies. What happens when a human child is swallowed and found by one of it's creatures?

Hi! I just wrote my very first article! I hope y'all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

The Panther's Cub


KweenyLuv

Re: New Articles 5 by Kweeny_LuvKweeny_Luv, 07 Feb 2023 08:05
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