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Read it and enjoyed, went to comment and couldn't think.Reread and got it. I didn't realize it was Semeliel and the quote bot I thought they were it. Makes so much more sense and is really good! +1

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 26 Sep 2022 04:31

I can't really describe my thoughts on this. The picture being there doesn't make sense and yet it does. Confusing in a way that isn't confusing. Feels like dissociation. Any way really good +1

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 26 Sep 2022 04:16

Completely agree with Maxy and fairydoctor, amazing. I feel that there could be another story element like the worlds blame the harbinger but I honestly like this ending more.

Solid +1

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 23:42

This is beautiful, I'm sending a thankful signal to it's maker

+1

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 23:05

Yeah I'm sorry this just doesn't hit for me. I have read this and took nothing out of it which isn't always a bad thing, I just feel like this is a thing that matters in this case. I genuinely don't know if emotion is supposed to be here after reading it 3 times.

Apologies but -1

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 21:47

Beautiful story, I really would love to have more

+1

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 19:52

I don't understand this fully but by god its good +1

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 19:34

I don't know how to exactly explain my thoughts on this. Pure satisfaction? A good general vibe? No matter what way you put it this is gooooooooooooooood

+1

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 19:03

Honestly I think this is my favourite on site.

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 18:42

I agree that there isn't much to go off of but the stuff that is there I really like.

Definitely a novote

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 18:25

Not a fan of this one. I don't like how this essentially scp-ifies the Library. You present your Library card, like an O5 card, you login to the database, like the scp database, you say the equivalent 'Black Moon Howls' catchphrase, etc. The language is formal and plain, like an scp document. You talk about infohazards, administrative departments, you use the framing device of someone logging back into a database — a common scp trope, and you literally reference dimension A6K from SCP-6001. There's also loads of extraneous and unnecessary details about the user that contribute nothing to the document.

The actual descriptions of the levels underneath the Library are interesting, sure, but they are also just backrooms-ifying the Library. Moreover, you don't do anything with them. It's just exposition for the sake of exposition. And yeah, I understand that's the point of this post but I'd at least like to see an attempt at making the presentation original? Why would the Library even have a bureau of investigation? It's already established that the Library is operated by weird alien archivists and ancient ineffable magic systems.

That's not to say I don't appreciate different headcanons to do with the Library's functionings — I very much do, however I just can't get into this formal, meticulously documented interpretation of the Library. I much prefer the Library being a nebulous vague place explored through stories, as that's the whole point of the Library. To me the Library is an experience, not a numbered list.

by LAN 2DLAN 2D, 25 Sep 2022 18:24

I understand the appeal but basically all my experienced was ruined by having to constantly look at the guide. I get its the entire point but I really would've preferred just a normal story because the text based mechanic was frustrating. I will admit some of the mistakes were mine like saying spray instead of sprayer then being confused when getting to the suit but that feels like a easy mistake which is heavily punished because of the format.

I like it but way too frustrating, -1.

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 18:09

I'm a bit confused and I feel like its lacking a bit but the parts I understand are good enough!

+1

by JackyfudgeJackyfudge, 25 Sep 2022 17:54

This guy’s essentially Klaue from Black Panther, but a wizard?

Neat.

That aside, I like the technopunk setting, and the mention of my boi Hades, and the whole “equivalent exchange” thing that the plot’s doing.

It’s all entrancing to me, and thus assuredly +Upvote-worthy.

..So.. by Clysm31201Clysm31201, 25 Sep 2022 14:54

Wow, so cool! I've always wanted to get a tattoo!
THE DISCORD PEOPLE MADE ME SAY THIS
-Styg


What is life if not the contrast between what has been and what will become?

There's something about the prose here that's very hypnotizing: the repeating words/phrases, the way the characters speak in an almost Dr. Seuss -like fashion. It's incredibly engrossing. +1

by Crow-CatCrow-Cat, 25 Sep 2022 05:25

Thank you for the read and feedback!

I assume the lack of a narrative is because this is meant to emulate what a dream is like, and the prose is meant to mimic how a person who just woke up would describe their dream.

Correct! Reading your (and so far all y'all's comments) input I realise now that it doesn't have to be realistic and attempting to do so was at its detriment.

In regards to narrative, please see my response to Maxyfran73Maxyfran73 below.

by fairydoctorfairydoctor, 25 Sep 2022 01:14

Thank you for the read and input! I've implemented the SPaG corrections. As for narrative and other revisions, I'll revisit after the contest when I do heavy revisions to the narrative. For context, read my response to Maxyfran73Maxyfran73.

by fairydoctorfairydoctor, 25 Sep 2022 01:10

Howdy! Thanks for reading and your input!



I realise this won't change your vote at the moment and that's valid. Thanks again for reading!
by fairydoctorfairydoctor, 25 Sep 2022 01:04

This was a blast. Having the story be told through a text-based game made the experience super engaging; it feels like a real adventure, exploring through this strange environment figuring out what I need to do. There were a couple points where I had to look at the walkthrough, but for the majority of it I went in trying to solve the problems on my own, which really enhanced the experience and led to some fun occurrences:

>punch organ cluster
Violence won't solve anything here
>kiss the organ cluster
You can only do that with things that are animate

The biopunk(?) setting is also really great aesthetic, loved it. So yeah, this is awesome. +1

by Crow-CatCrow-Cat, 25 Sep 2022 00:20
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