The Crimes of Holcombe Efferthwaighte
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🙜 Foreword 🙞

The following tome is a collation of information regarding notorious criminal Holcombe Efferthwaighte, who doubtless needs no introduction but shall receive one anyway. Casual perusion is discouraged due to the sensitive nature of details contained within; however, any persons with information regarding Efferthwaighte's whereabouts are required by High Law (sublime) to come forward, or else be tried as an Accomplice.

If the entity reading this document is, in fact, Holcombe Efferthwaighte, know this:

We will find you.

Holcombe Sufwick Efferthwaighte is a man of formerly good breeding, whose misdeeds both Heinous and Hienous render him a king amongst degenerates. Birthed womb-ly in England II (England Harder), he has pursued a number of legitimate enterprises over the course of his life, including:

As well as many illegitimate ones, including:

  • A master's degree in Computer Science

After knowledge of his crimes surfaced in June 1979, Efferthwaighte was forced to flee both his Home and the Library, and it is our dearest wish that he be located and allowed to face Justice.

Efferthwaighte's favourite words are bosky and a'a, and his favourite colour is Hyperbolic Orange. He currently resides in an unknown facet of an unknown realm, where he is pursued by both the Law and by his Enemies (identities unknown).

🙜 Misdemeanours and Malfeasances 🙞

Delinquency ID: HSE-001-SABOTAGE
Reference term: Distance Yourself
Nature: Distribution of unlawful software; digital piracy; physical piracy; homicide
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Dystopic Regulatory Commission [genres Sa-Sm inclusive]

For these crimes (severity ranking +16), Holcombe Efferthwaighte is sentenced to an imprisonment of 30 years aboard the Landship Bivouac, with top-deck access granted after half-time-served with good behaviour.

Delinquency ID: HSE-002-SURVEILS
Reference term: One in Every Home
Nature: Misuse of government property; intent to breach the peace; dictatorcide
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Government-in-exile of the former Glorious Republic of Tlimst

For these crimes (severity ranking +20), Holcombe Efferthwaighte is sentenced to 40 employment cycles in the Wream Chasm Refinement Camp. This punishment may be deferred until the Government-in-exile is reinstated, with Efferthwaighte held by a trusted authority in the interim.

Delinquency ID: HSE-003-CENSORED
Reference term: Memocide
Nature: Destruction of historical records; trespassing; learning with intent
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Unknown

For these crimes (severity ranking +61), the accused is sentenced to a fine of 𝔘 8,000,000, to be paid directly (in accordance with the wishes of an unknown party) to the Wanderers' Society for Bibliothetic Exploration. If the debt not payable in a reasonable form by Efferthwaighte himself, he is to be indentured to a trusted party and earn towards repayment at the standard penal rate of one fourth times minimum standard wage within the universe in question. In the event that indentured labourers are not afforded income in said universe, the servitude is to continue until such a time as the ruling parties alter regulations to allow repayment of the debt.

Delinquency ID: HSE-004-INFERNAL
Reference term: Expyrean
Nature: Worshipping false idols; vandalism; aiding and abetting of false prophets; arson
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Numerous civil parishes and the High Church of Yyyk

For these crimes (severity ranking +18), the accused is sentenced to é|Γ-type condemnation in Circle 2 of the Yyykan House Of Torment, until such time as his ethereal palate is deemed by the High Church to have been cleansed from all wrongdoing in this or any other life.

Delinquency ID: HSE-005-FAIRFOLK
Reference term: Father of mine, what you left behind
Nature: Breaking and entering; manslaughter; theft
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Those pushed beyond

For these crimes (severity ranking +14), Holcombe Efferthwaighte is sentenced to banishment to the Land of No Renown, quadrant 8-8-2a. Return to society may be granted with permission from a suitable council of authority, provided said distant lawmakers issue Holcombe Efferthwaighte with a temporary name and statute of return. Should Efferthwaighte perish within the scope of his banishment, the supervising entities are granted full use of his body, mind, and identity.

Delinquency ID: HSE-006-STANZAIC
Reference term: Poems Without Authors: Memento Mori
Nature: Libel; indictment to slander; intent to commit rhyme
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Poet(s)-in-residence of the Wanderers' Library

For these crimes (severity ranking +31), Holcombe Efferthwaighte is sentenced to be cast into obscurity, such that no prosodic work penned under his hand shall e'er hereafter be uttered, til' the hour at which the 14th wanderstar consummates its endmost spheric jaunt, and the chorus of the heavenly spheres spark and gutter their ultimate celestial adieu.

Delinquency ID: HSE-007-PRESERVE
Reference term: All Dead And Just Resting (3232)
Nature: Gross negligence; fraud; unlicensed continuation of personality
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Tyrrel Lang et al.

For these crimes (severity ranking +26), Holcombe Efferthwaighte is sentenced to a chemical potentectomy, whereby his future will be surgically removed. Compounds J-5 and K-88 through -98 are recommended. If a sufficient sum is raised before the scheduled date, the infertile future may be preserved in aspic and sold at auction, as protocol demands.

Delinquency ID: HSE-008-NARCOTIC
Reference term: Black Market Magic
Nature: Possession with intent to distribute; cause with intent to effect
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: The Nostrum Board


Delinquency ID: HSE-009-CONFLICT
Reference term: Warborne
Nature: Violation of the treaty of Second Eye; supernumerary war crimes; aggravation of lesser races
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Magus Council of the City of Second Eye

For these crimes (severity ranking +26), Holcombe Efferthwaighte is to be conscripted into the Glorious Adventurers' Battalion, where his skills in evading the authorities should prove useful in his retraining as a Lv. 3 Rogue.

Delinquency ID: HSE-010-VANQUISH
Reference term: Wounds nor Scars
Nature: Animal cruelty; possession of an unregistered weapon; perverting the course of events
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Dragons


Delinquency ID: HSE-011-FIRESIDE
Reference term: Hearth
Nature: Abandonment; emotional indecency
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: █████████████ County Council

For these crimes (severity ranking +25), Mr. Efferthwaighte should be r4minded of the world, and his place in it.

Delinquency ID: HSE-012-BADOMENS
Reference term: UNAVOIDABLE. SPLIT.
Nature: Negligence; withholding portents; manslaughter
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Yykkan High Council


Delinquency ID: HSE-013-LONGTERM
Reference term: On Salasar
Nature: Workplace safety violations; trespassing; computer misuse
Charge nascence or aggrieved party: Salasar Institute (a subsidiary of MW Enterprises LLC)

For these crimes (severity ranking +25), Holcombe Efferthwaighte is to be exiled to a temporal reserve in dead future DF-5, housed in the remains of a penal colony unearthed near the Portland Ridge. Other sentences may be served concurrently if decay allows.

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