Of Cabbages and Kings
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The following passage was recovered from a ruin discovered in rural Bulgaria. Native residents had no explanation for the purpose of the ruin or why this passage would be located within it. The remains of a small castle were found within these ruins, with several cabbage plants growing on the grounds.

The coronation process for the new King of Elrich is a time honored ritual, passed down through generations of Royalty and Gardeners. Many who have tried to access the royal gardens for details on the preparation ritual have been imprisoned in the royal dungeons, and for good reason. Secrecy is key to a Gardeners success in growing the royal cabbage, and keeping royal tradition safe.

Firstly, the seeds for the royal cabbage must be chosen. This is a very delicate process, as a Gardener must judge the strength, tenacity, humor, and handsomeness of each seedly specimen. Once a seed has been selected, it is placed in some of the most ornate urns in the kingdom, with dirt taken from the tomb of the 1000 martyrs. Once the seeds have been planted, it will take several months for initial specimens to grow.

Developed seeds will be continuously observed for their royal quality, with features such as posture, regulative color, abstinence, and leaf to petal curliness ratio being key to its success. Once the choice specimens have been selected by the Gardener, they will be moved into pure brass containers, with soil taken from the gardens of the Holy Srethgar Temple, and light filtered through glass blessed by 11 Monorothic Temple-Keepers. Only Cabbage buds taken from plants grown in this manner can be selected for use in Holy Coronations.

The initial batch of Cabbages must be intensely evaluated for the growth and development of their previously studied royal characteristics. Cabbages showing even a hint of hesitation are to be deemed unworthy and sentenced to the dungeon. Cabbages who do not exceed expectations are to be diced and fed to the royal hounds. The exceptional specimens who do pass muster may be used in the final coronation process.

The royal coronation preparations will begin weeks in advance, with the selection of the primary specimen and the backup specimen. Primary specimens for a King must be taken from the group grown directly from the Gardener's personal collection, lesser lords and Dukes may select from the regular holy collection. During coronation rehearsals, it is recommended that only the Gardener and the Regent contact the Cabbage directly, lest it be contaminated by the hands of the unworthy.

On the day of the coronation, the Cabbage must be delivered to the royal chambers at approximately 3 hours before the sun begins its trek to the west. The coronation officials shall place the Cabbage on a pillow made of the finest velvet in the kingdom, and sent to the coronation chambers to await its eventual journey. No unworthy hands may touch it during this period, and any manservant found making such an attempt shall be executed as part of the ceremony.

The coronation ceremony begins with a ritual dicing of Cabbages that proved themselves to be unworthy of royal stature. This dicing will slowly carve the cabbages, transfixing them into several smaller Cabbages, which are then thrown to the peasantry awaiting announcement of their King. The royal Cabbage may observe this process from its velvet cushion, if it is so inclined as to view such a thing.

The ceremony shall begin by the release of ceremonial doves. followed by the royal band playing "A Serenade For An Emperor", by Riogius Bertiner. Following this, all royal men of militia age must take their seats on the royal court floor. Men found outside of their assigned seats are subject to be publicly whipped, with the severity at the Regent's whim. The royal Cabbage will be seated on a pedestal, by the Holy Throne.

All must rise when the Regent reaches the palace gates. He is accompanied by his royal Gardeners, who will explain all the intricacies of the royal Cabbage they have selected. When the Regent arrives at the royal court, all must bow, then be seated. The Regent will be presented with the royal scepter, and make his speech to the assembled nobility, as is tradition.

Once this has been completed, the Regent shall be permitted to walk the steps to the throne. The royal band shall play the song of the state, and minor royals are permitted to toss ground Cabbage as confetti as the Regent passes. Once the Regent has occupied the throne, the Cabbage may be brought forth before him to await his gaze.

At the moment that His Regency's gaze has been drawn to the regal Cabbage, the power and will of the Regent must be tested against the power and will of the Cabbage. This will occur by means of a mental battle, pitting the intelligence and wit of man against the cunning and slyness of vegetable. Men who have gone through this process describe it as grueling, with mindgames of the highest degree taken forth by both parties. Whomever comes triumphant in this battle of the wills may be crowned as the High King of His Royal Realm of Elrich.

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