Hiya Folks! It’s your favorite little old lady Marge, here to bring you some scrumptious recipes to show you that just because traditional food is always scarce around here, that doesn’t mean eating can’t be enjoyable even beyond that temporary calming of that naggin’ and howlin’ and fussin’ from our bellies.
See, ever since sweet old Duncan jerry-rigged that makeshift printing press in the Blue West Foyer last week, I’ve been thinking to myself, “Marge, how can you use this new resource to bring a little more joy into the lives of our community?” Well, yesterday it hit me! I was actually a small-time chef before my time here, and some of you may have already tried some of my cooking here (on those occasions where there's enough to share of course), but with this ongoing series of pamphlets, hopefully you can learn to recreate some of my signature dishes yourselves!
I’ll be cranking these out probably about once a week, as long as paper’s available, but for this first edition let’s start with something simple; a savory-yet-minty stew so flavorful, you’ll almost forget your trapped here, probably forever! Haha…
- Dried crickets, flies, and/or cockroaches.
- 1/3 bottle of craft glue
- 2 tablespoons of toothpaste
- 2 cups water
- 6 to 8 crayons
- 3-4 teaspoons of potting soil or good red clay, as a thickening agent (Do NOT use Horace’s gray stuff, I have reason to believe that dirt is somewhat toxic and is cut with straight dust on top of that!
- …That said, a bit of dust as an additional thickener here is optional. Just make extra sure you boil everything long enough to knock out any stubborn micro-critters.
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Unwrap and heat crayons in a small pan or pot, until the wax is fully melted.2..Bring water to boil in a pot over a fire, steadily adding portions of wax and glue while continuously stirring.
3. Once the main liquids are mixed thoroughly in pot, mix in toothpaste and clay/soil.
4. Add the bugs in for the last 3 or 4 minutes, just not so long that they get mushy!
After all this prep, you should have a stew that's actually worth tasting, and that’s the Marge Guarantee!
Hi all, I’m feeling a little down this week so sorry for not being my boisterous usual self. Hopefully, Caroline’s party will help though, because OH YEAH! It’s party time!
It’s little Caroline’s birthday tomorrow! Now, Obviously, time is a little wishy-washy here, day/night cycle is inconsistent even when you’re lucky enough to have a nearby Window Room to be able to tell, but Caroline said she’d kept careful count since she got caught here, and Chuck actually checked her math so to speak with his whole timepiece collection and said she was only two days off! They agreed to split the difference, so that leaves tomorrow as the date set for a little makeshift party.
So for this week, I asked little Caroline what her favorite meal was so I could make her some for her big birthday party! After a little bit of sobbing (We’ve all been there!), she told me her favorite food was “Sketti and Meatballs”. Obviously, there aren't any traditional noodles or protein sources around, but I’m making do and you can too!
- Rat meat, minced
- Flour as available; as always, supplement with up to a 1:1 ratio of dust and/or sawdust if you don’t have enough
- 1 cup of thin, thrice-boiled leather strips
- 2 cups water
- Dandelion greens
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Chop up dandelion greens into ¼ to ½ inch pieces. If you don't have any, Gary in the ballroom on the third floor has a small garden of edible weeds he’s scavenged or otherwise procure, set by the large windows of the dining room he’s based in, and can be bartered with for reasonable prices.2. Apply seasoning if you have any to the minced meat, add in chopped dandelion greens and flowers, and roll into meatballs
3. Boil the leather noodles in water one more time, and add the meatballs to serve.
Now Spaghetti and Meatballs are supposed to come with sauce, as everybody knows! Unfortunately, however, I don’t have any good sauce recommendations for y’all, but If I find a recipe I’ll put it in a future edition.
Who knows, as rare as real food is, we’re a bit overdue for a room shift, so fingers crossed for a kitchen or a pantry or something this time!
Well, it’s been quite a week, hasn’t it? Obviously, Jerome will be missed, but meat is meat, and for the majority who have chosen to partake, here’s how to use your allotment of the meat to its highest potential. Anyway news:
We’re all in this together, recent spats aside. We mustn’t forget that we’re strongest when we’re united and organized, and no foraging disputes change that fact (Reggie…)
Incidentally, the recent spatial shift put us within walking distance of a bathroom with a shower again, so for all of our sakes, please use it at the earliest available convenience, everyone.
The lawnmower in the shed room has been completely salvaged for parts and fuel, so Mr. Reynolds requested that I put an announcement here to tell everyone to Stop Asking.
- Meat, regardless of cut (if you drew the Offal this time, don’t worry! Even most organs can be sauteed and substituted in.)
- Chalkbread (I know it’s not everyone’s favorite, but the flour stores are running low after so long since a kitchen popped up so I must insist on flour-fillers. We have plenty of chalk from the recent classroom find, so I’m using that as default
- Greens if available; I know this may be hard since Gary’s room shifted away a couple days ago, but if you still have any lying around, have at it.
- 1/2 cup of water
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Mix the dry materials like flour, chalks, and any other fillers together in a bowl, and slowly knead water in until dough isn’t sticky.2. Cut dough into at least two pieces and bake over fire into flat chalkbread for 8 to 12 minutes;
3. Meanwhile, cook meat however you prefer and cut into thin slices
4. Put slices between two pieces of bread and add any available toppings
And there you are, a basic sandwich. Enough to get you by for a little while, a respite from the ever-present gnawing hunger; what else could we ask for, am I right?
Once again, RIP Jerome. Hell, maybe he’s the lucky one.
You know, I’ve been stuck in these endless halls here for at least five years now, by my rough estimate. I’ve seen so many wither and die because even with this cursed place’s tendency to stagger our starvation, give it a few months with no sustenance and even that’s not enough. I want to help, I want to lift the spirits of you all, my cherished friends and adopted family, but it's hard to be a bright spot when there isn’t any light to work with….
I don’t know, I stopped believing in any sort of benevolent higher power soon after realizing that there really is no way out of here; that the locked front doors are impenetrable, that the “outside” displayed in many an equally impenetrable window are basically cruel illusions. But if there s a God or Gods out there, Give me strength to lift my own spirits so I can likewise help to lift those around me…
Anyway, until that happens, here’s some fake cereal I guess. Go wild folks, or don’t, I’m not sure I even care anymore.
- Fried Paper shreds (as little writing/printed on as possible, too much of it can wreak havoc on the digestive system).
- Bugs again
- random crap you can find as usual
- Why
- am I
- still
- doing this
Fuck it, I’m done I can’t take it anymore. After Caroline’s recent disappearance, and so soon after my son’s death too… Y’all know I adopted him four years ago now, almost? Just Found that crying toddler in an empty hallway, so lost and alone…
No more chipper little old Marge guys, I’m sorry. I can’t pretend anymore, I can’t act like everything is ok anymore…
Figure out your own recipes from now on. I’m gonna go do some exploring, until whenever these cursed halls take me for good.
I always hated mansions anyway