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Now, the problem I have with this whole thing is they love to write everything in metaphors, assuming the reader has the same level of knowledge as they do, or even leaving out steps. Okay, I can kinda understand some of that, made sense when it was a cut-throat business and all, but, nowadays, we need stuff that's going to work, not just blow up in our faces and permanently dye bits of skin interesting colors.

Along that vein, I've taken up the research of my dearly departed mother, to correlate a couple of simple, well, I'll call them 'shortcuts' to save the usual arguments, that can be useful in our work.

Short Cut One: Invisibility:

Yeh, I could call it something cute like 'Don't look over here' or what have you, but I'm trying for the easiest interpretations here. So, here's what you'll need: A paint brush. The brush handle must be made from ivory, and the bristle needs to be made from the fur of a Vesper bat, and it must be made to the size of 30/0. We've got a couple of these on hand, but if you want to make your own, go for it.

Next you need the paint! This one can be a little harder to make out. You'll need: a thigh bone from an elephant that been dead at least thirty years, three ounces of depleted uranium, the yolk from two crocodile eggs, and thirteen of your own tears. The bone and uranium can be crushed into dust through any means you have at hand. The paint must be mixed in a clockwise motion, swiftly, directly after the stroke of midnight, under a new moon, for seven minutes exactly. The mixture must be kept in an earthenware jar, and will only be good until the next full moon.

Finally how to use them! Once you have the paint made and the brush, you'll have to use a mirror to paint a series of lines upon your face and hands, three vertical lines on your face, equidistant from each other, and simply trace the veins on your hands. As simple as that, no one will notice you.

CAUTION! Any interaction with anything else will cause the shortcut to fail, and you must wash it off and reapply it before it'll work again. This means that once the paint is on, you can pick up nothing new, open no doors, touch no one. While people will avoid you if moving towards you, they won't go out of their way to avoid you, or put themselves in danger to do so either. And, cause I saw one moron try this, moving towards someone who is stationary will not cause them to move.

I can't believe mom missed this one, so much for extensive testing, huh? This shortcut only works if you stir the paint RIGHT handed. Sorry lefties, a little more work for you all.

-Claire Lumineux II, March 3rd, 1964

-Addenda by Claire Lumineux III, January 7th, 1993

-The Book of Eleven Hours, Book IX

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