Terry Mastiff's Guide to Canomancy
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Note the absence of any headgear, indicating an improperly performed ritual.

There are many different facets and intricacies to the art of the Canine's Haberdasher. One must account for the various breeds of dogs, how many times they are able to howl to the moon, and whether they wish to summon a dog in a hat, a hat in a dog, or some other variant thereof. It is not an easy craft, and many of the sorcerially inclined have failed in its completion. If you truly wish to complete the powerful ritual of a dog in a hat, they may proceed.

Before a young Canimancer can begin the ceremony of Canial Liturgy, they must travel to the nine corners of Elra and obtain the proper necessities. The easiest, but sometimes trickiest, component for the youthful Houndthaumaturge to get ahold of is their left foot. Although the left foot serves no purpose in the ritual, this ceremony has never been completed by any magically-inclined pet owner without a left foot.

From the beaches, they will snag the Elrian Pelican. But merely catching or trapping the Pelican is not acceptable. It must willingly present itself to the young Barkoloancers gullet, and make itself at home with the fillings and the canker sores. From here, they must travel on into the heart of the city, through the bustling markets, bustling schools, bustling orange groves and bustling bust parlors. There, they may find a male Suvian Horned Goat, and befriend it. They must rebuff the social callings of society, and make a truly majestic friendship with the goat.

In the secretively secret of his Majesty King Braem III, there is a tomato patch of royality. The childish Canid Shaman must find the tomato which looks like their Uncle Jimmy, and steal it away in the night. If they do not have any uncles under the Jimmy nomenclature, please see "Summoning (Powerful?) Multi-Dimensionals And You." There will also be a tulip patch, from 197 tulips must be borrowed. While being in the Kings neighborhood, they may take to sneak into his royal kitchens and snatch away the apple juice. This juice must come with lemon wedges, or the junior Four-legged-barking-canid-descending-from-lupus shaman will have suffered their journey for naught. These lemon wedges must be facing northeast.

Once these prophetic products have been collected, the fledgling Puppy Shaman shall be compelled to assemble their ritual circle. Donning their maroon suspenders(But not that maroon) The apple juice must be poured in a semi-semi-circle, at a rate of no less then two drops per month. Once drawn, a mouthful of half-cut Oltonian Blutt Mushrooms must be arranged in different and exciting patterns, depending on which dog they want to summon. This must be done carefully. See Giraffes…

Then, the Canine Conjurer may release the Elrichian Pelican. As it soars majestically into whatever time of day it is, the majicks and spirits of the dogland will begin to rise into the surface, seeping fluffy, tail-wagging ancients into the circle. Then, the Mongrelmancer must dance. All the world will see their moves, and judge them for it. If they are to survive this onslaught of petty remarks and annoyance, they must use only dance moves their mother would approve of.

At this point it is recommended for the summoner to check their left foot every 15-20 minutes, as they are known to wander off.

Powerful dog spirits will begin to rile around the Mutt Mage, enveloping them with the soul of all that is dog. At this point the goat will spontaneously combust, but understands why and forgives them.

The ritual is complete at this point, and the Fidofetcher may wait 4-6 weeks for the arrival of their dog.

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