"Suns above, can you hear me?"
The evening view casts upon my sights as I stand atop a mountain of gravel and dirt. My eyes meet the glistening of a thousand stars dancing across the nighttime, my head hanging behind me as I look above. "Maybe," I think to myself. "Maybe if I hold my breath for long enough, I can open myself a staircase to the horizons. Maybe I can meet those luminaries and have a taste of their palettes." What hope, a hope of one day breaching the surface and making out their constellation.
It's almost as if I can be a part of it.
Stretching my arms toward the heavens, I plead for a higher hand to grab me. My toes try to lift me off the ground as I imagine myself walking on air like everyone before me. These shadows, though. They weigh me heavily, chaining me to myself again and again. Lord, I feel the light escaping every night as I beg to stay awake. Dreams, these dreams bear no green on their hands, no food on my plate. No, it can never be enough. It'll never be enough.
Once again, I struggle to throw my all into the endless space. Purple and pink to paint over a monochrome face, everything I could ever ask for. In search of refuge, I find myself before the embers of our collection. Burning unwaveringly, sparks of my silhouette speak to me. An ever-growing flame in a crowd of candles melts the world around me.
Citrusy shades pouring over me, I can't help but watch.
To the Lords and the Ladies, let me hide within your borders. I ask of the arts and the expressions, the leaders and the titans. I wish to stand by your height and meet you eye-to-eye. To the pastel cosmonauts paving the way for more to come, I pray I can someday hold the torch. Let me cater the breaths of those to follow, cast my presence on the newborns, and sample your loving ambrosia. I ask, and I ask again.
At seven, I yearned for your hideaway. At thirteen, I led myself astray. By the by, as the years fled my eyes, I wanted to reach the forest's clearing. There you are, finally and now. I only need to take that first step, and I can meet you there. The walking luminary, I hope to see myself the next moon over. Just one leap to the lunar lands, my life has never been so clear yet so cloudy. A mixed bag of tension and release, it hugs me from behind as the distance closes. I can hear the rattlesnake in my legs and the fluttering in my stomach. It aches ever so.
But no, no more regrets. I jump, and I jump, tearing through the chains on my heart. Sanctums and hermitages, I see no need for them any longer. Knocking and cracking through the disguise, I frolic and skip to the waters of time and space. Spring has arrived, this time to see me bound from the boundaries. Higher and higher, let the winds carry me to them. The hearts aflame, the scorching souls, they offer me a grin. I could die right now, and I'd be okay with it.
Then, I beg for one last time today. Have me depart from the void, dot the dark with a light I can call my own. Showering in the cinder, tip-toeing through halls of coal, all I ever ask for. As selfish as it sounds, I only search for a definition. "Maybe, just maybe," I hold the thought close. "Maybe I can stay awake, if solely for tonight." Tears form the ocean I stroll across, rushing toward a peak. The mountain of gravel and dirt falls, myself rising without cessation. I can almost hold your hand.
…
Yet I'm pulled back to the loop, a force keeping my ankle for later. No matter how many times, I can only weep in response. Still, the stars above seem to leave their door ever so near. Perhaps not tonight, but I can step inside some other night. If anything, I wish you leave it open till then. Let me into your cosmos, play among the suns, and sing the songs of your kind. Every time I bleed, my sights find the trail making its way to you. It'll be worth it. It'll all be worth it. Wait, for now, for you won't be disappointed. I promise you won't be for long. From the sanctum, I plead for the hundredth time again: I only want to be…
Please, let me be…
…a part of your constellation.