This journal belongs to Frank B. Pann


This journal belongs to me, so if you aren't me, then close the fucking book. Or keep snooping, I don't really care. S4m told me that I should start writing in a journal to make me not so pissy all the time, so here goes.

73rd Day, 38th Year of "Employment"
Hi I'm Frank. I am the Guidance Officer in the Wanderers' Library. This is weird to write. Okay, so eighteen years ago I was walking on a bridge, when this asshole came riding by on the sidewalk of the bridge and knocked me off. Unfortunately, I didn't land in the river below. Instead, I landed on the banks of the river, where there was an old Slip N' Slide. Well, I slipped and slid on that damned thing right under the bridge, which happened to trigger a Way into the Library. I dunno if you know anything about Slip N' Slides, but they are typically lubricated with water. When I slipped through the Way, some of the water came with me. Wouldn't you know it, but a creature made of salt was on the direct other side of the Way, so that water ended up dissolving it. So yes, I have committed manslaughter. In any case, the staff of the Library decided that my punishment was 100 years of 'employment'.

The position I was given was the 'Guidance Officer' which basically means I have to escort the screaming patrons that accidentally fell in back to their home world, and maybe erase the memory of the Library if they request it. Occasionally I would get interesting jobs, like this time recently where I escorted this dude to Yggdrasil in the library. I will say, even though I bitch and moan about my job here, I don't think I'll leave, even after my sentence is up. I don't really have anything to return to back in my home world, and I have made a number of good friends here.

Anyways, maybe I should describe myself, in case I lose this and someone wants to find me to give the book back. I'm like 5 ft. and 8 in. or 1.72m if you're a heathen. I am bipedal and have dark green skin with black splotches. I have no hair or head features, my eyes are solid yellow and kinda glow a tiny bit, and I have four tentacles around my mouth. A human I'm friends with said I look like I have an octopus for a head, so if you know what those are then I guess I look like that.

So… I'm signing off I guess. See ya.
-Frank B. Pann

74th Day, 38th Year of 'Employment'
So today I went on a book hunt in the stacks, looking for a random story. Its a competition that me and S4m do whenever we have breaks. I found a story about a kid and a telescope which made S4m tear up, and she's a cyborg… so I won.

Oh, and a dinosaur drew me, so I'll stick that in here. If you need me, come find me. I can get you where you need to go. Unless it's the Duumloch. Fuck the Duumloch.


That's what I look like.

-Frank B. Pann

75th Day, 38th Year of 'Employment'
I stole an idea from another wanderer, and made a little sketchbook. Its more like a scrapbook, full of random pieces of paper and stuff. Just like the other dude's, if you find mine sitting on the ground somewhere, please return it to me. Thanks.


89th Day, 42nd Year of 'Employment'
Holy shit I completely forgot about this journal. It was way under my bed, so I never saw it and never remembered. I think I'm just gonna write in this thing whenever something interesting happens, and not every day. So, I guess I'll say what happened today.

I was hanging out with a few friends including S4m and Jish, and we decided to do a poetry writing contest. S4m is a big poetry buff, so she completely annihilated me, Jish, and a few other staff members that were around. I got like fourth place, but I'm pretty proud of my poem, where I explained what led to my caffeine addiction.

My species, Thulians, are very susceptible to caffeine. It is one of the harder drugs of my world, and I was addicted to it for a while. In fact, I only got off of the stuff because of the Library, so I guess this place has done some good. Anyways, I still found myself needing some sort of stimulant to be awake in the early hours of the morning, so that's why S4m and I invented carlyleine. Carlyleine is the chemical in our pop, 'Carlyle Pop!', which basically acts as caffeine except not addictive. I'm advertising to whomever may find this journal to go and by some Carlyle cream soda pop, in case you haven't noticed. Maybe I should talk to S4m about guerilla marketing strategies for Carlyle. I dunno, I'll get on it tomorrow.

92nd Day, 42nd Year of 'Employment'
Well, S4m and I worked on a commercial for 'Carlyle Pop!'. We'll roll it out in a couple of weeks, provided that a majority of Archivists approve it to play on visual and mental platforms in the Library. Hopefully we can track some customers to the Vagabond Foods stand in the food court. We got my thespin pal to sell it for us. Guess we'll see how everything goes.

-Frank B. Pann

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